Everything that comes with it.

I feel as though I could be about every emotion in the book right now.I hate feeling this way sometimes.I could cry at the drop of a hat or feel so left out of things.I feel as though I'm distant from a lot of people that I used to be close to.Is God trying to prepare me for something?Am I going to be a missionary to some foreign land?Having that thought in my mind scares me,but excites me somewhat.I'm ready for something new.Something different.Something real.Its just that I've never really thought to much about missions before.But here lately I've had dreams where I was in the Ukraine and another one in Africa.How bizarre,but awesome is that?In fact I will be going to the Ukraine in a few more weeks.I'm so nervous that I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach.You know the almost puking and even diarrhea stage.haha!!!Its true though.My stomach hurts just thinking about it.But I know that God is with me and I shouldn't fear.He has His way with things.I'm just praying for peace and a little reside for my nerves.I know He has done it for me plenty of times and I believe He will do just the same when I leave those two weeks to help those kids.I never would've thought being a missionary in my life.First of all,I've never really flown.The only time I've ever flown was when I was about 7yrs old.And it was just to Orlando.Being a kid,you have different feelings about things.You seem to be more carefree and not have a worry in the world.Unless of course it has to do with certain bugs.Even then,that didn't bother me so much.But as I was saying,I want to be that way and not worry anymore.I don't want to fear anymore.I just want to let go of it all.I think thats why if I ever went sky diving it would change my mind about fears.Or I'd be less afraid of things.So becoming a missionary would be hard for me.First of all going over seas to a distant land.Second of all being away from those whom I've been close to for a long time.Third of all it would just be me and God.I would definately be scared,but I think that I could handle it as strange as that seems.Its amazing that I really feel like I could do this for the rest of my life.Compared to a few years ago where I'd never thought I needed to leave Georgia.I thought everything would be right here and come to me.Thats completely wrong.Sure I desire a lot of things in life.A great Christian guy that loves Jesus and you can tell it by the way he lives.A house of my own.Going to college(which I will soon be doing in the fall,if its the Lord's will).Opening up my dance studio.Becoming a youth pastors wife(haha).Doing professional photography.Becoming a Science teacher and even a History major also.Learning every instrument I can possible(especially the cello).Marrying that great Christian guy by the name of ______ and fulfilling the life that God has placed for us.Yeah some great desires huh?I'm glad that God has better plans that I can't even imagine possible for my life.Who'd ever thought I would be thinking about the mission field now.I have two chances to go to Africa.One would be on a two week mission trip with a bunch of people.Another would be meeting this girl who my parents and I have supported.Katie Libramento,if your reading this...No,I still haven't gotten intouch with that lady yet about working for them.I'm bad.I feel like I'm procrastinating on getting in touch,but I'm not going to anymore.I'm done with procrastination.I just need to let God lead me in His direction.He has His ways.His ways are better.After all He won't give me what I can't handle,which is so true.But keep me in your prayers as I deal with some many emotions that run through my mind constantly and everything that comes with it.Gah!!!I just want to run to a mountain top or an ocean and scream!!!!That might clear me up completely.I need to try that.

On another note,I'm going to be officially 20 in three weeks on wednesday.I don't know whether to be happy,excited or what?I don't think I'm even doing anything for my birthday either.Kind of sad.

Well thats it.Thats all I have to say.For now at least.

Love to all.